What I’m Wishing For

I’m rushed to the hospital again. The reason? As usual- my weak heart. I don’t know how my heart became this weak because I’m so enthusiastic and active in my school, community and even in our own house. My parents told me it was because of my mother’s weak immune system while she’s still pregnant of me. Yet, I don’t believe that explanation because at the back of my mind is the theory that I’m neglected by the world. That’s the reason why I usually hate people I don’t know that much.

I can still remember the first time I was admitted to the hospital. My parents really get worried about me. I was still nine at that time. They prayed that I’ll be healed but, instead, as the years gone by, the illness just get worse.

The hospital is silent now. I know for the fact that it’s already past mid-night. I’m not afraid but I’m scared that if I close my eyes and try to sleep I may no longer have the opportunity to smell the morning dew, freeze in the morning chill nor see the King of Lights ascend in its throne. I’m scared not to experience these things anymore.

I can feel something hurts in my wrist. Oh! It’s the nurse. I was able to sleep for the rest of the night. She’s getting a vial of my blood. Despite the ache the needle’s providing me, I still afford to smile for I as able to wake up again.

It was past noon already. I just let the time pass by writing in my notebook. I was about to finish what I’m writing when a guy suddenly open the door. I looked at him in the eye and I know he’s looking back at me. There was ultimate silence. The deafening silence just ended when he intentionally cough maybe to minimize his shameful interaction. I smile at him and he apologizes for his abeyance while his eyes roam around the cubicle. I just ignore him and continue what I’m writing in my journal when he approaches me. I was shocked but I’m not nervous. He asks me what I’m writing. I tell him it was about my life. He asks few questions more and I enthusiastically answer those. Being with him for that spare time just let me forget my critical situation. He makes me feel alive.

From that day on, he always visit me. We had tea for some time and for some other time he brought me fruits. My parents are so grateful of him for he gives me hope- hope and life. Everyday with him is extraordinary. Whenever his around, my boredom turns into an animated scenario.

After my three-month stay in the hospital I was brought home. But his friendship and care doesn’t end there. He still visits me at our place. Because of his gentle touches, his roaring laughers, his caress and sweetness I fell in love with him. But I won’t tell. I won’t ruin our friendship. I won’t risk my closeness with him and I won’t sacrifice the hope and life he’s giving me.

After a month in our house, my heart starts to palpitate again. I was rushed to the hospital once more. This time, it’s the worst. My heart won’t make it to the next 36 hours. It will stop beating. I’m lying in the ambulance and I can hear my parents’ agony. I can hear the beat of my heart and it’s the loudest of all the sounds I can hear. I want to open my eyes but they’re too blurry and misty to present a clear picture.

I was about to totally lose my consciousness when I hear his voice. It was so clear I can hear every word he says. He was talking to somebody –maybe the doctor- that I need a heart transplant and a demand of a donor is very vital at that time. But the time won’t allow us to have a sufficient search. He said that if the doctors won’t look for a heart donor then he will do it on his own.

Every tic-tac of the clock is worth a teardrop from my parents’ eyes. No beam of light is perceived at the end of the tunnel- no hope to expect yet.

Five hours more and it’ll be over, I’ll die. My mother fainted and my father panics and become so unaware of what is happening, He was so nervous he no longer knows what to do. Everything is at its worst when a nurse dashes to the room and say, “We found a donor!” Everything turned out to be functioning again. The doctors and the nurses, they’re preparing for a major operation. The operation lasted for five hours but everything went just fine. All I need was a long rest for recovery.

After my fifteen hours, or so, of sleep, I regain my awareness. I can hear the birds’ chirps. I can feel the chill in the morning bliss. I open my eyes and see my parents lit up. The operation was successful. After a month, I was able to go home.

Despite the happiness I’m feeling for my second life I can still feel emptiness inside. He no longer visits me and I miss him a lot. I ask my parents where is he. Instead of answering my question they just hand me a letter. It said:

Theryn,

I really want to see you after your operation yet I’m so desperate of finding you a donor. I decided to run away instead. I run away. The idea just dwelled into my mind and it was great! I know that if you’ll be reading this letter the operation’s successful and I’m so happy if that is so. I want to say my last goodbye and I have a surprise for you- as a peace-offering for my lost:

“I GIVE YOU MY HEART FOR YOU TO SEE MY LOVE”

My distance brought me even closer to you. Take care.

With hugs and kisses,

Zed

_wYchazeL

Sa maKaBasa lang...

good,,, naka.basa ka..hehe

I can’t scream

We were the best of friends during the high school years. I treated his family as my family and so did he with mine. He steals my stuffs and I steal his. We do silly things together.
Summer. I was still sixteen years old back then and he was turning 17 by the next two days. He invited me to his party but I refused because I’ll be preparing for our clan reunion. He pleaded but I was firm with my decision.
By the next day, he texted me again, still, with the same reason- invitation. But I remained unmoved. I won’t sacrifice our reunion just to go to that damn party, meeting Betina and being teased with Ched, our class valedictorian. All those things just wrecked my day!
April 3, 2009.It was the date of Nathan’s birthday party and the day of our trip to Davao for the said reunion. I peeped on my phone as many times as possible waiting for the time that I’ll be able to receive a text message from him but to my disappointment I got nothing. I began nagging and blaming myself for being so martyr. I just realized that my vacation’s just turned out into a bland outing. How disgusting! I really hate myself.
It was almost nine in the evening at that time and the day will fade out soon. His birthday will end and still I didn’t have the courage to text him even a “Hi’.
A week after that, we went back home from our out-of-town vacation. As soon as I got home, I went to their house and asked his sister where is Nathan. I almost got sick when she told me that Nathan’s going to Cebu City because he’ll be studying there. I bade her goodbye and embedded a fake smile on my lips. She said her farewell, gave me a sign asking me to call somebody and yelled “Nathan”.
As soon as I was already home. I walked pass my older brothers, still busy arranging there belongings from the trip, went to my room, looked for my cellular phone, locate his number in my phone book, pressed “call” and BINGO! His phone began to rung. I was still on the call when a girl spoke to me saying, “The number you have dialed is either unattended or out of coverage area. Please try again later.” I pressed my head against my pillow. How bad, too much misfortune for me. I rolled over my bed until I rolled out of it.
The next day I went to there house again. I want to ask her sister about where in Cebu City will Nathan be staying. She answered me that he’ll be staying with their Aunt who lived just a kilometer or two from the institution. I asked her a few questions more and decided to leave at once.
When I arrived at our place, I told my mother that I want to study in Cebu. She became worried but I assured her I’ll be okay after all I’m an honor student. She told me to ask permission from my pop but he said it’s a big “NO” because I’ll be away from them and he’ll miss his little girl so much. He always treats me as if I’m always a little girl- so dependent. I decided to stay so as not to spoil their dream of having their only daughter live with them for the rest of their lives.
After six years, we had our first batch reunion but he was not able to attend. He was still busy studying because his pursuing law after becoming a certified public accountant. I can hardly believe he’ll become that successful despite he fact that his already an orphan after his parents met an accident a year ago.
I went home early that day because, as usual, Betina was there and everyone teased me to the newly graduated Magna cum laude nurse, Ched. Aside from those bugging reality, I felt insecure chatting with them for the reason they already are professionals. I know I’m also a professional but I just don’t want to tell them that I wasn’t able to pursue my dream of becoming a CPA lawyer but, instead, became a MassCom graduate to follow my mother’s dream for me and ,at that year, still studying civil engineering to follow my father’s footsteps.
It’s been eleven years after our graduation. Right now, I’m just sitting in a corner, watching the people around me merry-making, laughing out loud and telling their experiences to one another. It was our second batch reunion. I just eat the stuffs in the table, drink the beverages served to us when someone approach me behind, hold my eyes close and whisper to me. I know it was Nathan right away! I looked towards him. I want to shout. I want to yell but I can say a word. I can’t scream my heart out. I just display a big fake smile on my face and wish that the ground will crack open and swallow me down. I was so disappointed seeing him wearing that t-shirt with a print on it saying, “You’ll be my sister and I mean it!!!” while pointing towards the direction of my father as my father lip-sync the words “I’ll adopt him.”

-wyChaZel